Yo, so I have a bunch of older brothers. I love them all very much and they are great guys. But when I was 8 they were 9, 13 & 14years old respectively, and they were all assholes. We took a family vacation down to Florida that year. We drove, that is a long friggen drive. my brothers quickly became bored and to entertain themselves they decided to torture the little one (me). Their favourite thing to do was to flick the back of my ears, like really hard. For two days straight these dickheads were constantly flicking my ears, over and over, they wouldn’t stop. They literally had me surrounded by all sides, I could not defend it. Now you may not think ear flicking is so bad, and it’s not, if it is only one or two flicks, but when it happens hundreds of times over the course of a 2000km drive that shit adds up, kinda like a stress fracture. And that’s what I got. My stupid brothers gave me a stress fracture…in my head.
We finally get to Florida after the marathon drive and it’s party time. It’s sunny, we’re on this awesome beach, I’m gonna build sick sand castles, pee in the ocean and eat candy all day. It’s gonna be friggen amazing right? Wait! Hell no! I’m gonna get there just in time for my friggen eardrum to explode. Eff you Pete, Mike and Scott! My Eardrum man! that shit blew right the eff up! I would lie down and blood would pour outta my head. Hurt like hell man, I had to go to the doctor, an American doctor, shit’s expensive! So yeah I had to wear a damn toque for 6weeks straight and take these disgusting pills. Brothers are assholes.
Hey, Congrats to Matty B! The Champ got married! Yeah! Good job Matt and Lauren, now go make a bunch of babies you crazy kids. This is my second friend named Matt who has gotten married to a girl named Lauren, craziness! I almost got married to a girl named Lauren as well…actually not really. But my high school “sweetheart” was named Lauren. At one point or another I’m pretty sure we agreed to marry each other, we were friggen head over heals in love. Man it was smootchie cootchie shit all over the place, it was disgusting. She was a hell of a girl though, she let me touch her boobies on several occasions. I think she reads this sometimes. If so, hi Lauren. Remember when you let me touch your boobies? Yeah, that was awesome.
So anyways back to Matty B. (The Champ). The Champ is best known for his stunning back to back CIS XC championships. That kid comes to get down for big races. He has this ridiculous ability to just call on every bit of his strength and fitness to get the job done when it matters. I swear man, sometimes you’ll see him out at practice just dinking around and not looking very fit, but then when a big race comes, BOOM! sonofabitch just hulks up like a crazy man, proceeds to go beast mode and tear shit up. It’s weird man, but boy is it awesome!
So in 5weeks I’m gonna try to channel my inner Champ for Scotia. I’m gonna Hulk the eff up for that shit and suck every possible bit of energy outta my body. I think that if I can hulk up to an adequate level than I will be able to run pretty well. It’s gonna be a good day. I’ve decided to keep my beard growing and not cut my hair until the race either. Why? What does that have to do with running? Well no reason really, and it has absolutely nothing to do with running. It’s just that I have never had a decent haircut and I can finally grow a decent beard. So I’m giving up on haircuts and I’m giving the beard a go. Beards are manly as hell, and there is no denying the facts, I am going to look homeless as shit out there.
Okay, so this is my 46th blog. I have been hit with some gnarly writers block. I can’t think of a damn thing to write about. So I opened it up to Twitter and asked for a topic. Thankfully Dr. Mark Kubert has offered up a suggestion. So here we go people. Top 5 things running has taught me, and my all time favourite post run/competition meal.
I’ll start with favourite meal because that is much easier. Start with about 5-6 NewBelgium Sunshine Wheat beers, so good! Outside magazine just ranked NewBelgium Brewery as the 13th best place to work in all of America! Good for them. One of my biggest goals in running is to run fast enough to get sponsored by New Belgium. I think that they should partner with Powerbar and make some killer powerbeer. A nice dark porter with protein and shit in it, that would be amazing. Yeah, someone make that happen asap! Anyways and to pair with the beer I’m gonna have to go with a PowerWaffle. What is a PowerWaffle? Well it’s a waffle, but with much more power! I’m talking nice thick and awesome Belgium waffle topped with peanut butter, bananas, yogurt, granola, and some pure Canadian maple syrup. Man, that is a great waffle. Some people may say, but Rob, don’t you love Crepes more than anything else? Yes I do, but as it has the most solid foundation, a waffle is necessary to handle the shear mass of all those toppings.
Okay so question one answered. Favourite post run meal; Beer and Waffles.
Question two; Top 5 things running has taught me.
This is a much harder question. Well actually, it’s not so much that it is hard. there is literally dozens of lessons that running teaches you. I could list shit off all day. I’m not gonna do that. I’m just gonna go with one for now. The single most important lesson running has taught me. Well, after what I just said I’m gonna go with a lesson that running hasn’t necessarily taught me. This is more something that I have used running as a vehicle for. Running has helped me to illustrate and live out this lesson. That lesson is; Do what make ya happy. Cliche, cheesy and kinda lame, sorry about that, but whatever man, I can’t help it. If ya just live the way that makes you happiest then everything else will fall into place. I’m 28damn years old folks, I live like a broke ass university student, in terms of most other peers my age I’m kinda far behind. I don’t have a house, wife, kids or any real person shit. I have decided to persue running, but hell man. I am doing this because it makes me friggen happy as hell, I love it. So all that real person stuff can suck my ball for now, I love runnin’ and I’m gonna continue to chase those happy feelings.
That was friggen lame, no more questions from the audience.