Sometimes I do questionable things and sometimes I make stupid decisions. And well, next week I am doing one of those questionable things, and it was all set up by one of those stupid decisions. I have set myself up for disaster people, and I hope to hell that I can make it through this ordeal relatively unscathed. In typical Rob fashion this is all the result of one of my favourite vices. No, not liquor this time. It’s all because of a pretty girl.
So here is the deal, I am headed out to Vancouver next week. Why am I going to Vancouver? Well a lady I dig is going there, so I’m going also, I wanna hang out with her. That makes sense for the most part right? But here is the terrifying part. Said ladies parents live in Vancouver, and it is inevitable that I am gonna meet these parents. Whatever, not a huge deal usually…usually! But not this time. You see, this girl is pretty damn awesome and smart and accomplished. The Mom is damn smart and accomplished, and awesome, and the Dad may or may not be the smartest most accomplished and awesome dude out there. Then there is me, not so smart, awesome nor accomplished. I am lacking confidence in my ability to win over these parents. I’m pretty sure that this girl likes me, so I can count on her for back up (I hope). But man, it is hard to make struggling, semi-pro runner sound very appealing to parents. Questions will be asked, and I’ll be under some intense scrutiny. They’re gonna want to know what I do, what I plan on doing and what I have done thus far. And right now the answers are not much, I dunno and not much (again). So now you see why this is a questionable trip, and buying that plane ticket may have been a stupid decision. It is a train wreck waiting to happen. I think maybe I should figure out a way to get on the no-fly list or something. Wait, No! It won’t let it go down this way. I will fight this, I gotta make this trip awesome! And the only way to do so is to make myself appear to be more rad than I actually am. It’s gonna take some planning, some acting, some bullshitting and some luck. Well, probably a lot of luck.
Okay, so here is where we stand;
Dad; “so Rob, what do you want to do with your life?”
Rob; *blank stare* “Uhh…” *thinking really hard* “umm…” *starting to panic* “well…” *knocks drink over on purpose in hopes of diverting attention*
Let’s fix this. I need a plan man, I need to become awesome and smart and accomplished in the next three or four days. Okay. Let’s see here. First I need a better job. Now don’t get me wrong, being a runner is awesome. I will let it be known that I dig running and I’m serious about it. People tend to respect runners. But when you’re not actually very fast and ya don’t really make much money than pro runner as a “job” is kinda lame. I am technically also a “shop technician” this could be good because it is vague as hell and not very exciting. But I think I’m gonna take a different approach here. I’m gonna start allowing ads and shit on the blog. I’ll make like $2.50/month from that. My blog will be making me money, and therefore technically I will be a pro writer. Yeah, the mom will totally dig that. I’ll play the starving artist angle. The whole idea of being a starving artist is kinda romantic. It means that I’m misunderstood and others can’t grasp my depth, or vision…or some shit like that. Being a starving runner just means you’re slow. Okay good, going with writer from here on out. I’m ready for the first question;
Dad; “So Rob, what do you do?”
Rob: “Well I am quite serious about pursuing my running aspirations, but technically I guess you can say I am a writer. Sure I don’t make much, but it’s not about the money. I just feel the need to express myself and hopefully one day I will catch a break”
Ha, That is such bullshit. Being a fake writer is rad.
Okay next I gotta appear smarter than I actually am. I’m gonna build on my existing intellect and the vast knowledge base that I developed whilst earning a history degree from a State school, so this shouldn’t be too hard at all. First thing I’ll do is read a hell of a lot of random Wikipedia articles, gain some general knowledge there. I am also gonna check out a thesaurus, find some smart words that I can spout out here and there. And quotes! Man, quotes are gold! Such a good tool for faking the smartness- just find something that some legit smart person said and use it. But make sure to reference the quote. Smart people dig referencing. The most important part of this fake smart part will be making it seem natural. It is key to be really nonchalant whilst doing this. Can’t force the smartness. Here we go.
Dad: “So Rob, what do you want to do with your life?”
Rob: “Well, I’m just striving to maximize my athletic potential and continue to pursue my creative endeavors (remember, I’m also a writer now), I will worry about the future when it is the present. I believe that Mark Twain once said; “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” That is what I want from my life, I want to Explore. Dream and Discover”
Man, that is some good fake smartness! Kinda makes me sound like I have my shit together. Haha, nope!
Okay, now that I have a new job and I’m smart I need to appear accomplished. This is gonna be harder now that they can simply check the internet to verify my story. Well I’ll do this first and see if any other Rob Watsons have done awesome things. Give me a minute…Okay so apparently there is a Rob Watson who is a producer, composer and keyboard(?) player and he did some cool stuff. There is even a Wikipedia article on this guy with no picture, sweet. Now as far as the parents are concerned I am the guy who worked on the soundtrack of such films as The Simpsons and Pokemon 2000. unfortunately, that is the best I could come up with. all the other Rob Watsons are lame or have pictures of themselves on their sites, and all the other Robin Watsons happen to be women (except for this guy). My accomplishments from the fake Rob Watsons are pretty weak. I think I’ll also throw in that I have a black belt in karate (I took classes for one week when I was 6) and I once met Stone Cold Steve Austin (He was walking through a Casino and I drunkingly yelled some stuff at him). I should also make a fake Wikipedia page talking about a bunch of awesome shit that I have (not)done. That should be adequate.
Alright folks looks like have things covered, good…well actually damn, that seems like a lot of work. Screw it. I figure I’m a decently neat dude, I’ll probably just stick to classic Rob and hope for the best. I make the daughter happy, that has to count for something right?
Running update! Had a good week last week, pretty uneventful just ran a whole bunch and got back on my regular running routine. I’m digging this and I’m pumped about my prospects headed into this next build up. I have been getting a tonne of support and guidance from Reider and Gillis, the experience and knowledge that those dudes can share with me is pretty rad. They are great mentors. Yeah so if anyone out in the Van wants to hit up a run let me know. I’ve got 140 miles to put in next week so It’d be nice to have company for a few of em’.
Over and out hombres.